Workplace Bullying, Victimisation and Harassment
Assertiveness In The Workplace
Make work a better place to be
At Impact Factory we often talk about making work a better place to be.
这是我们民族精神的核心基础。
We know full well that职场欺凌是使工作成为可怕的地方的关键问题之一。
- Intimidation
- Harassment
- Unfair criticism and blame
- Belittling sarcasm
- Being shouted at
- Ordered about
- Dismissed
- Singled out
All these are types of overt bullying.
暗中欺负
Covert bullying, on the other hand, is less obvious.
它可以采取的形式是被忽视的晋升，有人八卦你，被欺骗或隐瞒信息。
It can be as insidious as being manipulated into doing something you'd rather not, putting your desk in an awkward place, never inviting you to join the 'gang' for lunch or after-work drinks at the pub, not being included in team activities.
All things guaranteed to undermine confidence and self-esteem.
Bullying doesn't just happen boss to employee. It can happen between peers, it can be upwards or downwards, it can be between clients and suppliers.
Bullying can take the form of exclusion of one group by another, one department or division by another.
Bullying smacks of superiority, arrogance, prejudice, ignorance and most importantly, immaturity and insecurity.
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什么驱动器欺凌？
So what's going on here? What's driving bullies so that they behave so horribly?
好吧，像被控制的恶霸一样，他们喜欢他们对别人感觉和行为的力量;他们喜欢害怕别人并保持他们的崇高。
They are not mindful of anyone else's feelings; they 'act out' rather than negotiate; they let their beliefs, biases and knee-jerk reactions rule, rather than modifying their own behaviour.
And they're always right. They are adept at always justifying and defending their behaviour, making other people wrong, never apologising and never, ever admitting that maybe what they've done was out of line.
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不安全
通过指出别人是如何搞砸的，通过与他们知道不会反击的人打架，通过抛出讽刺的旁白和评论，通过将自己的优势与他人的劣势相匹配，他们保持自大，远离自己的不安全感。
It's like the schoolyard bully who feels inadequate and so has to demean someone else to feel better.
记下为将来使用的所有方式 - 知道欺凌行为的来源将在掌握你可以做到的事情的情况下派上而分。
The end result of any of this is, of course, that the person being bullied dreads going into work. Associated fallout is less productivity, lack of motivation, isolation, stress and feeling under pressure most of the time.
现在我们知道大量公司有工会，投诉程序，法庭或其他形式的法律补救。欧盟指令旨在保护员工免受工作场所欺凌，骚扰，不公平解雇和歧视的影响。
Calling Out Bullying
But you know, sometimes it's not so easy or straightforward for some people to take advantage of their legal rights and options. It can feel downright impossible to take that crucial first step.
- There's any number of reasons for this:
- 我不想摇滚船
- 没有人会相信我
- 这是我反对他们的话
- I'll be seen as a grass
- I just want to get on with everyone
- 我不能冒失去工作的风险
- 当我需要参考时会发生什么
- 我不会升职的
- My job would really be hell if I did something
- I'll look a real fool because I can't deal with this on my own
- 我应该能克服它
- 也许如果我低下头他们会停下来
The list is endless.
But whatever the reasoning behind it, the result is that people stay paralysed and unable to help themselves out, or get help from elsewhere.
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Types of Bullying
我们将在这里讨论两种类型的职场欺凌。其中一个与成为他人不当、恐吓和骚扰行为的无辜受害者有关。你什么都没做；你在火线上；你被某个人挑出来，不管出于什么原因，他发现了这种交流方式（原文如此！）可以接受。
This may be your problem because you're the victim of it; but it's really their behaviour that is out of line and just plain wrong.
从表面上看，另一种类型的欺负可能与第一种类型的欺负相似。不是的。当问题出在你身上，而不是他们身上时，就会发生这种欺凌行为。当你让自己被利用或被挑出来做你不喜欢的工作时，这种情况就会发生。
你发现自己默许给别人，在自己之前把别人的需求放在自己面前，让其他人比你更重要。
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被利用
然后会发生的是，其他人会体验到你的过度迁就行为，并无意识地利用它。
这叫做最小阻力之路。有趣的是，这些人开始看起来像恶霸，因为他们的要求和你的顺从之间有很大的差距。你感觉到（甚至从外表看起来也像），好像他们在恐吓你。
他们不是。他们只是不知道自己的行为有什么特别的问题。他们不像真正的恶霸那样被内心的恶魔所驱使；他们只是想把工作完成，而你似乎是那个给他们最少困难时间的人。
Why this type of bullying is so difficult to handle is that when you're on the receiving end of it, it's hard to believe that they' aren't doing it deliberately. We expect other people to operate with the same set of rules and expectations that we do and are bewildered when they don't.
Unexpected Behaviour
举个例子：我们工作的一家公司有着非常礼貌的文化，或者至少过去是这样。有点扫帚扫地，他们得到了一个新的总经理和一个新的营销总监在一次。
市场总监用了非常丰富多彩的语言，这让组织里不少人感到震惊。他所在部门的一个人告诉我，他是个恃强凌弱的人，因为他不尊重人们的敏感。
He wasn't a bully. He just communicated so differently from the way people were used to that his behaviour looked aggressive and could be construed as bullying.
再次，通过这种类型的欺凌（或假设欺凌），部分问题是他们没有被告知有什么不妥。
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It's All In Your Head
You just kind of expect that because it's a problem for you they should know that. Inside your head, you are very clear what you want to say. You may well say it to many other people. It's easy, then, to somehow think you've said it to them when you haven't.
This type of bullying feels deliberate when it isn't.
很难接受，也许有时它是您自己的自己的行为制造一种感觉像是欺负人的东西out of someone else, and you can go a long way to helping yourself if you can distinguish between the two types of bullying.
We have two interesting examples from two different companies.
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Type One Bullying:
在一个公司,我们和运行有效tion skills courses for groups of employees from a manufacturing company. During the first course, a couple of people complained about this one manager, how tough he was, how he raged at his staff, how demanding he was and how he bullied his team. The next course the same thing and the next and the next.
后来我们终于见到了这个人，他们都是对的！我们认为，如果他能逃脱打击他的人，他会，他是那么咄咄逼人。他也非常擅长他的工作，只是一个可怕的人。
但是因为它不是很久以前,这个type of management style was considered acceptable (yelling at people, being tough and frightening), he never made the transition as a manager to a more people-focused approach. In turn, the management allowed his behaviour because he got results.
我们发现这种态度非常难以与之合作，实际上采取了对MD的担忧。再见客户。我们想象他仍然在那里为他的员工制作生命。
Type Two Bullying:
In another company, we were running a change management programme and we kept hearing about this horrible marketing director. He didn't listen to his staff, he over-rode their decisions, he intimidated, was inconsiderate and set far too heavy workloads.
On our courses, he kept appearing as a problem when we were working on project management strategy.
大约三分之一的所有这些课程，我们遇到了这个“食人魔”营销总监，他很棒！热情，雄心勃勃，专业，但对他的人民来说非常苛刻。
We realised early on in our meeting that this was a reasonable person, who was not a deliberate bully. He was so focused on his end results that he swept people along without realising the impact he had, and that sometimes they weren't able to keep up with him.
We also realised that his people just didn't know how to handle him.
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What Can Be Done?
As we felt it wasn't yet our job to tell him the impact he was having, we started asking people on the courses:
“好吧，你能做些什么来帮助这家伙向前发展呢？
"How could you do things differently?"
"How could you handle him better?"
“他越线了，你怎么能让他知道？”
What happened was that people came up with some really creative solutions that were non-confrontational and yet highly effective.
为了我们的喜悦，当他们改变他们如何接近他时，他改变了他与他们的工作方式。在他被视为困难之前，他现在被视为冠军。
说了这么多，现实是，无论你受到哪种形式的欺凌，对你来说都没有乐趣。接收端的感受是一样的：可怕地丧失了权力。
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Standing Up To Bullying
一个容易说话的事情之一，但是真的很难，如果不是不可能的话，就是实际上坚持欺凌行为。如果你不支持他们，他们会更多地挑选你。
然而，尽管“专家”（包括我们自己）说对付欺负者的最好方法之一是直面欺负者，但对一个自信心处于谷底、自尊已经消失的人提出这样的要求就像让一个沙发土豆跑马拉松一样。
这与一个矛盾的人说，“只是说不！”
If I could just say no, I'd have said it already.
If I could stand up and confront the bully, I'd have done it already.
所以让我们走到你能做的一些事情的核心棍子。
Involving Others
One of the first things to do is not to keep it to yourself. However, what you don't want to do is start a chain of gossip that does nothing to resolve the problem, but does everything to feed it.
Gossipping may make you feel better, but what tends to happen in these situations is that most people gossip with others who have no authority or skills to stop the bully's behaviour.
It feels safe to do this, you get to talk about it without having to do anything risky and it's particularly comforting when someone else agrees with you and acknowledges what you're going through.
它只是没有改变这种情况。
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Talk To Someone
So, however tempting it might be to do otherwise, choose someone to talk to who will be able to help you shift the situation. The next bit may feel somewhat tricky to do.
你需要展示你的“案例”在一个合理的继续教育ar, objective way.
为什么这会让人觉得很棘手，因为你几乎肯定会对发生在你身上的事情充满情感，这会让你很容易陷入指责、指责和指责之中。
It will help if you also go prepared with specific examples of when and how you were bullied and the effect each situation had on you. It is really important that you do not paint the bully as the devil incarnate!
Not a good idea:
"Ed was so terrible to me. Just ask Phil. He criticised me every time I opened my mouth. I can't believe anyone could be so insensitive. My life is hell because of him. I know he has it in for me. He bullies me every chance he gets."
Better:
"I have a real complaint about Ed. When we were in a meeting with Phil's team yesterday, he criticised me in front of everyone without giving me a chance to explain.
If this was the first time it had happened, I'd be willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but unfortunately, this has happened at the past two team meetings, as well as in our one-to-ones."
当你在强烈的感情中时，它可能很难以中立的方式呈现自己。但是，如果你能管理它，你不会像斧头那样遇到磨砺，而是作为一个负责任和专业的员工。
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Having A Go Yourself
The things we'll talk about here are effective in dealing with either type of bully.
请记住，我们告诉你要记下那些欺凌者的欺负者。这里知道这可能会派上用场的地方。
One of the things a bully counts on is silence - your silence. If you're frightened or intimidated it can feel as though your only option is to accept it.
However, something else the bully really likes is when you decide you've finally had enough and the huge accumulation of rage and humiliation spills over into a verbal barrage. Meat and potatoes to a bully.
You're now fighting on territory they are very familiar with and with little effort, they will squash you flat. Unless you are really confident of your skills, never, ever fight bullies by their own rules. They've been doing it a lot longer than you and you will lose.
他们可能会被争请进行战斗，但较软的对抗形式通常超出它们。
Soft Confrontation
One softer form of confrontation is to let the other person know the effect their behaviour has on you in a non-accusatory, non-blaming way. Much like the earlier example of when you tell a third party what's been going on, the idea is to dispense with the finger-pointing, because again, the bully will squash you if you do the blame game.
示例一（不推荐）：
Bully:
"Your reports are crap; I don't know why I bother even asking you to produce them. You're useless."
You:
(Blaming and finger-pointing):
“你怎么敢这样跟我说话。你只是到处想你能控制所有人，我受够了。没有人喜欢你，你只是到处乱走，让每个人的生活都很悲惨。”
You're all set now for a rip-roaring fight.
Example Two (recommended)
Bully:
"Your reports are crap; I don't know why I bother even asking you to produce them. You're useless."
You
(Effect of behaviour):
"I find that when you yell at me I feel disappointed you can't just sit down and tell me what you'd like me to change."
（结果）：
“这意味着我们永远无法讨论如何改进我的工作。”
Or
You:
(Affect of behaviour):
“当你对我大喊大叫时，我会感到沮丧，我们无法更好地沟通。”
（结果）：
"It feels impossible to come to you with potential difficulties."
Or
You:
(Affect and consequences all in one go):
"I find that when you yell at me, I feel less inclined to want to help you out."
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Letting Them Know The Effect Of Their Behaviour
Letting people know the effect their behaviour has on you is called boundary setting. With boundary setting, little and often works.
我们建议你不要试图一次性解决你和你的恶霸之间的所有问题。但是，每次他/她向你提出要求时，你都会反馈效果和潜在后果。
如果你没有为另一个人设置明确的边界，那么你就是为默认批准提供他们所做的就是正确的（或者至少他们可以说服它是）。
A boundary is for the other person, not you. You know when someone has crossed the line of acceptable behaviour; setting a firm boundary is what you do to let the other person know that what they are doing isn't OK.
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Invisible Stuff
We want to tell you our policeman story because it's a really good example of how one person was able to triumph over some manipulative bullying.
At least two or three times a week, towards the end of the working day, our friendly PC would get cornered by his sergeant, telling him to drive the 'governor' someplace or pick something up that was needed for the next shift. Even though he sat at a bank of desks with two other people, he was picked on each and every time.
It meant his working day got extended by at least two to three hours, and he also had to deal with his increasingly fed-up wife to boot.
What to do?
他不能说不;你不在警察部队那样做到这一点。他无法抱怨;他没有被要求在他的工作之外做任何事情。
不管这是蓄意还是无意识的欺负，结果都是一样的：他觉得自己被利用了，被胁迫了，被剥夺了权力。
Here's what we suggested he do. As soon as he saw his sergeant, he stood up so he didn't feel so little. Next he wandered over to his two colleagues' desks so he was standing between them by the time the sergeant arrived.
Suddenly, he was no longer the obvious choice, he had made himself part of a three. Of course, the sergeant still told him who he had to pick up, so instead of immediately saying, sure, he turned to his two colleagues and said:
“今晚你们都可以去吗？”
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A Different Impression
He asked this knowing full well neither of them was going to volunteer. What he accomplished though, was to make himself less isolated, less the obvious target, more part of a team. He didn't put his neck on the line, didn't make a fuss; but he did make a different impression.
The next time after that when his sergeant came hunting, he made it a general request to all three of them, instead of singling out our hero.
This is a great example of some of the invisible things you can do. You know you're doing something different, but no one else does. These small changes in behaviour can actually feel more empowering sometimes than having to handle and (hopefully) survive the big confrontations.
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Don't Stay A Victim
We know full well that bullying is degrading, humiliating and frustrating. You don't have to stay a victim of it. There are active things you can do to get some power back.
If you look at the few suggestions we've offered, the intention of all of them is to surprise and wrong-foot the bully - they won't be expecting it. Then you can begin to negotiate a different way of communicating.
顺便说一句，我们知道管理欺负较大的练习，因此请确保您有一个支持您的努力并在后面拍摄很多拍拍。
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